Anyone who has lost someone dear to them often struggles with questions that are often left unanswered. There are so many whys that can fill the head of a person who is grieving. Why them? Why my child? Why did it happen when it did?
What if I had answered the phone? What if I had driven them home? What if I had said to look both ways? Why?
What if I had taken them to the doctor sooner? What if I had called an ambulance? What if I had said I loved them just one more time? Would it have made a difference? It should have made a difference. Why didn’t they find it sooner? Why didn’t I notice it sooner? Why?
Could I have prevented it some how? Why couldn’t it be me instead of them? It should have been me. Not them. It should have been me. Why?
Why didn’t I see the depression? Why didn’t I notice that they were struggling so much? Why didn’t I notice that they were getting bullied at school? Why didn’t I notice that their personality was changing? Why didn’t I notice? Why?
Did they know that I loved them? Did they know that I was proud of them? Did they know that they meant the world to me? Did they notice that when they were alive? That they were my everything?
Why can’t I let them go? I know that they are gone but why can’t I let it go? Why can’t I sleep at night? Why can’t I stop dreaming about them? Why can’t I stop thinking about that date as if it is circled in blood-red on my brain? Why?
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© Kristalin Davis and Kristalin Davis’ Musings on the Human Condition, 2017-2022.
2 thoughts on “Spending a Life Asking Why?”
This is so true. I am in deep grief, I lost my mother and almost every question listed here do come in my mind.
Thanks for taking the time to reply Akanksha, and share your personal journey in grief. One thing that I feel unifies people all over the world is their shared grief when it comes to the loss of a relative or close friend. No one escapes the pain of losing those they care about in their life at some point. So it is up to us to help each other navigate the grief journey. Condolences to you and your family.